The Euro-freaks

I'VE never altogether swallowed the romance of the tramp. He was- looking back- a surprisingly prominent figure in my childhood landscape. Even within that limited vision he rnanifestly came in two types, but neither "stood and stared" much in the lauded W. H. Davis manner, nor was he buoyantly oxygenised by the birdsong and May blossom through which he passed.

A Time Out study group says that most young visitors to London can't find somewhere inexpensive to stay. A Punch study group provides this list of alternative accommodation

One day, a friend burst in on Emile Zola, deeply involved in yet another article about the Dreyfus Case. "My heart aches," he said, "for that poor martyr imprisoned on that God-forsaken island so many miles away." Zola looked up, irritated at being interrupted- "What martyr? What island ?" he demanded.

Mr. Heath has abolished the Cabinet pecking order. ln future, when he is away. the agenda will decide who presides. R. G. G. PRICE monitors the proceedings

And the Red Phone, of course, is the hot line. Um, if it rings, Senator, and you hear heavy breathing at the other end, push that yellow button there and keep talking calmly. If we trace the sonofabitch, !'li let you know.

With the runaway success of Young Winston and its glamorous portrayal of Churchill's early life in lndia and the Boer War and the political in-fighting of Lord Randolph's household. the Churchill myth is still further underwritten. Hardly surprising, then. That Conservative Central Office should have commissioned Alan Coren to draft another, similar, screenplay ...

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A group of "long-haired strolling players" are to board the Royal ·avy submarine HMS Andrew, which will carry them on a goodwill tour of the south coast of England. They will give "myth and magic" shows ashore and create "a happy circus-like atmosphere." The crew's morale went "shooting up" at the news.-Daily Telegraph.

. .. and give Peter Peterson some breathing space

Vince Jefferds talks to David Taylor

Comedy is no laughing matter, of course, and jokesmiths do not (except at script conferences etc) fall about laughing when they think of a funny-but I'm sure that Westlake could not restrain an irresistible snort when he looked forward to writing "Sorne sonofabitch has stole the bank."

Somebody once told me that Iago was the longest part in Shakespeare, and after watching the Royal Shakespeare's Stratford import of Othello at the Aldwych I am ready to concede the point. Not that this has anything to do with the general standard of the production, which is very high, but rather with the barometer readings on the night I saw it, which were even higher.

The latest - the third - sequel to the original Planet of the Apes (1968) is Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (at the Carlton; director, J. Lee Thompson).

Both the Corporation and the Authority are preparing marathon series on World War II and to soften up the market are currently offering tutorial trailers for all those viewers born too late to experience the shindig itself. Compared with Vietnam, Korea, the Six-Days W ar and Ulster, Hitler's war is poorly documen- tated on film, but the Nazis and the Communists shot a fair amount of propaganda and this, carefully rationed, re-jigged and repeated, can provide innumer- able reconstructions with exciting trimmings of actuality.

Not everything that happens in Britain gets into the national press. This feature presents some of the news which never made it. Readers are invited to contribute: f1 will be paid for each clipping used. Send entries to Country Lifé column, Punch, 23 Tudor Street, EC4.