Sport for the hell of it

SOME waited more than an hour to get near the voting machines. One man went to his polling place every couple of hours, found the queue longer than ever, and demanded: "What are you showing- The Godfather ?"

Once upon a time there were two kinds of sport, professional and amateur . The professionals did it for money, the amateurs for fun. Now professionalism has become big-time show-biz, and amateurism has turned into a gruelling fulltime business. Most of us don't have the time or money to become a fully qualified amateur. We go into sport for the hell of it. We don't get on TV, or get into the sport ages. This issue of Punch is devoted tous, the real sportsmen. Which kind are you?

Derek Dougan is the on/y footballer to have achieved the treble of playing for Wolves, captaining Northern lreland and writing his own articles himself.

KEITH WATERHOUSE on the games that adults never see

Continuing the adventures of the Great Palaeolithic Hero

Bill Tidy thinks seaside sports are only true British games left and once scored twenty-five goals before declaring at lunch. His main ambition is to kick sand on someone's eyes.

Three times a year, decathlete ALAN COREN takes on the world. This is his story

Dawn snake and up ladder with MILES KINGTON

"Remember that crump at the traffic lights ?"

There's a deathless prose in the close tonight